I lost a friend last week

Not like in lost: died
but, like in lost: doesn’t want to be friends anymore.

I felt really bad,
for a while.

She was a new friend
someone who tried hard to be friends with me.

Lunch dates, get-togethers,
evenings out.

I said yes once or twice,
really once.

For me,
this was a reminder,
that sometimes my friendships are like houseplants:

I like the idea of them
but only the ones that can survive
without a whole lot of attention.

In the beginning I think:
I want one

I ask questions, like: how often to water? How much light does it need?

Questions that mean:
I care and I’ll pay attention
I want this to grow and thrive
and to be with me for a long time.

I do plan to care for it.

But what tends to happen is that I forget.
I forget to give them the attention they need.
Even if they are in the same room with me.

I get busy doing all the things I do
(sometimes I wonder what that is)
and time goes by
sometimes many weeks.

It’s when I see them wilted that I think:
when was the last time I watered that plant?

I fill tall glasses of water
to pour into the pot.

I say:
I’ll be sure to remember next time.
I’ll do better next time.

But soon the leaves are brown again
and falling to the floor.

I haven’t killed many from neglect
I tend to get the tough kind that hang on forever

I have a ficus form ‘94 or ‘95
hauled around for 30 years.

Someone said one:

Ficus trees are temperamental
They’re hard to keep alive

But my ficus has held on,
all these years.
Through countless moves
to dark corners or sunny rooms.

My friendships are like this houseplant.
My best ones have lasted a very long time.

They don’t require a lot of attention from me.
Perhaps there is a fondness
that holds
until the next time we connect.

I don’t really know what it is
that keeps them alive.

I’m hoping that its just love