I lost a friend last week

Not like in lost: died

but like in lost: doesn’t want to be friends anymore.

I felt really bad,

for a while.

She was a new friend

someone who tried hard

to be friends with me.

Lunch dates, get-togethers,

evenings out

I said yes once or twice,

really once

For me,

this was a reminder,

that my friendships can be like houseplants:

I like the idea of them

but only the ones that can survive

without a whole lot of attention.

In the beginning I think:

I want one

I ask questions like: how often to water? How much light does it need?

Questions that mean:

I care and I’ll pay attention.

I want this to grow and thrive

and to be with me for a long time.

I do plan to care for it.

But what tends to happen is that I forget.

I forget to give them the attention they need.

Even if they are in the same room with me.

I get busy doing all the things I do

(sometimes I wonder what that is)

and time goes by

sometimes many weeks

It’s when I see them wilted that I think:

when was the last time I watered that plant?

I fill tall glasses of water

to pour into the pot

I say:

I’ll be sure to remember next time.

I’ll do better next time

But soon the leaves are brown again

and falling to the floor.

I haven’t killed any from neglect

I tend to get the tough kind that hang on forever.

I have a ficus from ’94 or 5

hauled around for 30 years

Someone said once:

      Ficus trees are temperamental

      They’re hard to keep alive.

But my ficus has held on,

all these years

Through countless moves

to dark corners or sunny rooms.

My friendships are like this houseplant.

My best ones have lasted a very long time.

They don’t require a lot of attention from me

Perhaps there is a fondness

that holds

until the next time we connect.

I don’t really know what it is

that keeps them alive.

I’m hoping that its just love.